I was blessed by the outpouring of supportive comments after I shared the news of my wife entering hospice care. Tuesday afternoon, I lost the love of my life. I am heartbroken but relieved she is no longer suffering. Words are not adequate to describe the level of pain she suffered every single day for the last 4 months. It was an unspeakably awful experience I am sure will haunt me the rest of my life.
My life will be different in the future. I will pick up the pieces and figure out what I want do with the rest of my life. For now, following Giants baseball and writing down my thoughts about it continues to be a central part of who I am and a form of therapy. I appreciate everybody's care and support during this extremely difficult time.
DrB
My prayers are with you in your loss.
ReplyDeleteMay her memory be a blessing.
ReplyDeleteDid not realize this was going on. So sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteDocB,
ReplyDeleteYou'll be in my thoughts today and for the next coming weeks. I'm so sorry that you've lost your wife & your love, in such a difficult way but also the relief for the freedom from suffering I know is the flip side. I'm impressed with how vulnerable and open you've been with the community. Lean on your friends. You're greatly appreciated.
Go Giants.
SF in MI
My wife of nearly 50 years had open heart surgery 3 weeks ago today. A nurse came from the operating room every hour with an update – "all is normal" – which, although better than the alternative, was barely reassuring. When she was wheeled by the ICU waiting area she was completely surrounded by at least 10 attendants with traveling "poles" of bags of fluids so she was invisible for the 5 seconds passing me and then into the ICU. I was told everything was normal but she would be sedated for hours and I could come into her room in an hour or two (!) but I would get updates. It was already 4 or 5 hours since they had initially wheeled her away from me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I managed to sort of sneak into her room it seemed to break my heart with all the stuff attached to her plus the tube down her throat kept from making any meaningful sounds.
She is home now, I am her 86-yo attending "nurse" and she is up and about carrying her heart shaped pillow pressed to her chest for the recurring pain.
With all this, I cannot come close to feeling your anguish, I only know how life changes to one-day-at-a-time as we handle ourselves.
Take care, my friend.
Sorry for your loss, Doc. Please accept my deepest condolences.
ReplyDeleteCondolences. We all appreciate your sharing this journey with us. Thank you. Last year in July my 93 year old father passed away after an eleven month battle with pancreatic cancer. Recognizing that it is not the same situation, it was a relief that his suffering was over. May the memories of your love and life together sustain you. APGiantsfan
ReplyDeletePraying for you and healing in this tough time. God bless.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss Drb. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please take 🙏
ReplyDeletei somehow missed this sad news. there are no words, no words. i cannot imagine how the final months affected you. and to think we're sharing the experience of love and loss due to the love of a professional baseball team. i will be thinking of you, DrB. -es
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear this, Dr B. And while I've never met you in person and likely never will, my thoughts are certainly with you and your family. Thank you for sharing parts of your world since the message board days and giving us all a sense of much needed therapy.
ReplyDeleteRob in Vancouver
I am very sorry for your loss. At my advanced age, I have been giving much thought to this happening to me. What an awful, empty feeling you must have. I too appreciate your openness with us with your struggles. God bless you. Bob in Dixon
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself and family. I am not religious, but I do believe that your wife will always be with you in a metaphysical sense.
ReplyDeleteDeepest condolences, Doc.
ReplyDeleteWhether the love of one’s life is taken away suddenly, as mine was, or if you’ve had to sit by their side helplessly, the overwhelming grief hits with the same whollop. I know life right now is extremely sad, and exhausting to push forward, and yet there seems to be a million things that need to be done. The grief never goes away but becomes burnished over time so the sharp edges don’t stab as hurtfully. One day, you’ll remember something she did or said that was her unique brand of being herself and you’ll smile. Meanwhile, always be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences,
ReplyDeleteMy heartfelt condolences for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your extreme loss Doc!
ReplyDeleteThe generosity and depth of love you created together is forever rippling out into the world. I wish you solace and every blessing.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, Doc.
ReplyDeleteVery sorry for your loss Dr B. Condolences to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers to you Dr B
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss Dr. B. Thank you for sharing and for all the effort you’ve put into this blog.
ReplyDeleteI’m so sorry Doc. Please look after yourself
ReplyDeleteVery sorry to hear this news, my friend. My deepest sympathies.
ReplyDeleteWhat a crushing loss Doc, I am heartbroken for your loss. I hope you can find some small moment sof peace in the day ahead.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss Doc.
ReplyDeleteTime will help mollify the pain, but the love you shared will go on forever.
I know this is probably little condolence, but your writings bring us great joy in our household. We're lifelong Giants fans and reading your blog over the years has given us a better perspective on the game we love. It has also helped to keep our passion for baseball alive. We can't thank you for your efforts enough ... take care!
ReplyDeleteDear Doc, I am so sorry about your loss. I have been blessed to live with the love of my life and can only imagine your pain. May you find comfort and peace. I am a faithful reader of your column as I have been following the Giants minor leagues since Jim Ray Hart tore up the Eastern league playing in Springfield, MA. Thank you for your work. Jim S.
ReplyDeleteDear Doc, I am so sorry for your loss. I also have been able to live many years with the love of my life and can only imagine your sense of loss. May you find comfort and peace. I have been a faithful reader to your column and have been most grateful for it. I have been following the Giants minor leaguers since Jim Ray Hart was tearing up the Eastern League while playing in Springfield, Massachusetts
ReplyDeleteDoc, Just saw this...so sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts and hopes for some peace and relief to come your way.
ReplyDeleteSteveVA
I'm so sorry for your loss, Doc.
ReplyDeleteHopefully the Giants have a nice season this year and that can ease some of the grief.
Thank you so much for what you do for the fandom, your blog is an invaluable part of the community.
My condolences. Been a fan of yours and you just seem like a great person and i'm sure she is proud of you and how you've supported her. My deepest sympathies.
ReplyDeleteJust saw this. You will be in my prayers.
ReplyDelete